When it comes to picking out partners or lovers, do you have a certain “type” that you go out with? Do you even know if you have a “type”? Let’s have a look at what that means.
A “type” means that you look for the same characteristics in a person. Maybe they have the same hair or eye color. They likely have the same personalities. They could have traits that resemble your father or mother. The list is long but distinguished.
If you feel as though you are attracting the same type of relationships to you, then it’s time to take a deeper look at the qualities they possess. It’s time to get yourself busy in a journal because you’re going to need to go deep within yourself to find out why you keep choosing them.
When you choose a certain “type” of person repeatedly, that likely means that there’s an unresolved issue inside of you. You may like to think that it’s based on old stereotypes like “blondes have more fun” or that “brunettes are smarter” but that’s just surface stuff and your ego talking. There’s a bigger reason.
What if you’re a young woman and you keep attracting much older men. At first glance people could say that you’re a gold digger. But actually you probably have daddy issues.
Mother and father issues happen when either or both parents are missing from your life. Often when you grow up without one you start thinking that you weren’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, man enough, etc.
Absent parents can also mean a parent that was there but wasn’t. Maybe they worked all the time or they just weren’t available on some level. This makes you feel unloved and unwanted. So guess what? You go out and try to seek love elsewhere…in people that resemble them so you can feel better about yourself. And so that you can try to create what you think you missed out on.
Let me just add that when you’re missing a parent from your life, it’s because you didn’t need them. You had everyone in your life that would help you grow, learn and evolve. Your lessons are based on what and who was in front of you because they are the ones that mirror back to you what your truth is. But often times you don’t see it right away.
For instance, I grew up without a father and a mother that was unavailable on many levels. Needless to say, at some point I decided that I was worthless because of that and many other reasons so I chose guys that would treat me that way. Guys that would not make me a priority. Guys that would say that they loved me but they’d cheat. It all came back to the fact that I did not value myself. And because of that, I kept choosing guys that continued to make me feel that way which was a “type”…until I learned that I was worth way more than that.
So perhaps you didn’t have the mother or father figure but maybe you had someone that was like one. Or you wished you did because you hadn’t come to the realization that by not having one or both, that you’d be learning some valuable lessons. Like how to be independent and stand on your own two feet.
There’s plenty of reasons why someone has a “type”. The trick is in finding out why you do. But first you have to recognize that you even have a “type”.
Once you see your “type” and figure out why you have one, then you can break the cycle and stop attracting the same person over and over again.
In your journal you’ll want to list all of the people you’ve had relationships with or dated. What did they bring to the table? What did they offer you? Was it love, security, a home, a shoulder to cry on? What was special about them? Did they respect you? Honor you? Or did they abuse you… physically, mentally, spiritually or emotionally? Maybe it was all of it.
Let’s not forget that there’s a lesson to be had in almost everything you do. When you find the lesson you finally get to heal. That’s when you truly break the cycle.
Writing in a paper journal is a great way to get it all out in front of you. Sure it may be old school but you can swear in it and there’s no spell check. Just be sure to be honest with yourself.
Being honest is the only way that you can reveal the truth that lies within you. Don’t just gloss over the facts. If you truly want answers being honest and upfront about your feelings is a must. Besides that, no one but you is going to read your journal. And as a bonus, your journal won’t talk back to you, judge you or give you an opinion.
Your journal is a safe space so get intimate with it. Don’t be afraid to let all of your feelings come to the surface. When you first start writing you may only get a few sentences out. But once you start with…”I went out with this person because…“, it will find a way to come out.
And do you want to know why? Because you’re ready to heal and move on. Because it’s time for you to see your truth. Because you really deserve better than a “type”. Choose to say “no more“, one of the themes for June.
So what are you waiting for? Get busy writing…or seek out the proper professional to help get it out of you. Either way it’s a win-win.